Saturday, February 28, 2009

Birthday blues

Yes, it's my birthday today. It will end in a few minutes. It's almost midnight now. And guess where I am right now.


That's right. I'm at work. On Saturday. My birthday. More than half of it spent right here.

And now, here I am, sitting in front of the only PC at office that doesn't have access blocked to half the world wide web (including the Proxy sites), writing this blog post, because I have nothing better to do.

Wait, it gets worse.

I've got two passes for the Lite FM Flashback party safely tucked away in my bag right now, each worth a whopping thousand bucks and probably wondering what the fuck they're still doing in there.

And my friend tells me the party is in full swing. She wants to know why I'm not there partying the night away.

And you know what really sucks, man?

It's MY fault that I'm not there right now having a ball as I know I fuckin' should be, and I'm here instead, whining and complaining and boring you with this rather tedious read.

See, I have no one but myself to blame for my current predicament. Here's why:

I'm not dressed for a party.

As shallow and superficial as that may sound, I can't be seen at a party wearing what I'm wearing right now.

It's common practice here at my work place for employees to dress down on Saturdays (and by down I mean way down). You could say it's an unwritten law of sorts. And I, assuming that I wasn't going for this party tonight because one of my friends who was supposed to join us had dropped out at the last minute, decided I wasn't going to break the rules today.

Now I don't give a flying fuck about what others think of me, but if only I had the sense to wear something nice or at the very least, to bring a change of clothes to work, I wouldn't be here right now writing this shit.

If I were in decent clothing today, I could've easily thrown my stock excuse of "family dinner" at my boss and he would've let me go, no questions asked, just like that.

Like I said, I couldn't care less about what others think of my appearance but a guy's gotta look socially acceptable at least on his birthday, yeah? I mean, I don't mean to sound gay or anything (no offence to anyone) but I'm just not properly attired for a party tonight. To be blunt, I just look plain shabby right now. I do realise that sounds incredibly shallow on my part, but you'd understand if the shit you were in was similar in depth to that of mine.

And, yes, I am in deep shit at the moment.

My ex girlfriend thinks I deserve what I got and is threatening to cut all ties with me. All because I went to watch Hamlet at Elsie's Bar yesterday with some friends that included someone she isn't particularly fond of.

I don't want her to hate me.

And apparently, I'm a liar, a fucker, a bastard, and a moron for doing what I did yesterday (in that order). Yeah, and she tells me all of this on MY BIRTHDAY! Yippee fuckin' ya ye, eh?

To be fair to her, though, I did keep the details rather vague. For instance, I didn't tell her that some people who were supposed to join us yesterday for Hamlet had told me a couple of days earlier that they wouldn't be able to make it. I didn't tell her this. With good reason; I didn't want another argument and, more importantly, I didn't want her to get unnecessarily worked up over nothing. But, as you may have guessed, she found out somehow (she forced it out of me).

She took the whole thing the wrong way and accused me of doing all sorts of horrible things and called me all of those names I have mentioned above (and more). Oh and she also added "and all the bad things in the world".

What a birthday, eh?

Oh well.

Hmm... It's 1 a.m. now. Apparently we're finishing early today. Time for me to bugger off.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Got this in the mail today

Thought I'd share. Whoever wrote this is a genius. :)

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new
shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her..

Disclaimer - I didn't write this myself (I wish). Credit goes to whoever that did. Awesome stuff.

Monday, February 23, 2009

2009 Oscar Opening

This year's Oscar Opening where Wolverine breaks into song. Check it out. :)

Thursday, February 12, 2009


We are born killers.

We are everywhere.

We, as a species, move ever forward eating up all the resources this planet has to offer, and as a token of gratitude we leave utter destruction in our wake.

We have religions designed to keep us from doing wrong, despite which we commit every sin in the book on a daily basis.

We have leaders and people making sackfuls of money under the guise of representing us in government.

We have governments telling us what to do, all the while breaking their own rules in broad daylight.

We whine about it a little, curse them a little, and we, being the hypocrites that we are, vote them back in to power.

We thrive on division and competition, be it racial, religious, whatever.

We wage wars against our own kind.

We are systematically destroying everything that is vital to our own survival.

We are well on our way to another stone age.

It's gonna be awesome.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Twenty questions

1. Why do we have earwax?

2. Why does the moon always look bigger on a Poya day?

3. Why do supposedly nutritious vegetables like bitter gout (karavila) taste so... well... bitter?

4. Why are the Sigiriya frescoes art, and any Sri Lankan movie with a bit of nudity in it is porn?

5. Why do lions have manes when other felines don't?

6. Why is it that in the animal kingdom the male is always better looking than the female? (e.g. - lions, peacocks, all horned animals, elephants, etc.)

7. Why is it that when it comes to humans, it's the other way around? (Women are generally considered more aesthetically pleasing to the eye than men).

8. Why does everything taste "just like chicken"?

9. Why do romantic comedies seem as if it's the same story over and over again with only the characters and places changed?

10. Why is nearly every single movie that revolves around the life of a robot so frickin' depressing? (A.I., The Bicentennial Man)

11. Why do people buy iPods when they already own mobile phones that can play music just as well as any mp3 player in the market?

12. Why do people hero worship the same bunch of daylight robbers called politicians who cheat them, lie to them and steal their hard earned money every single day?

13. Why do most super heroes wear their underwear on the outside?

14. Why do some people buy designer underwear?

15. Why are a majority of fashion designers gay?

16. Why is it that rockers have long hair and rappers have very short hair?

17. Why are disposable cups made of plastic?

18. Why are there no time travelers visiting us from the future?

19. Why is it that in movies aliens only abduct Americans?

20. Why am I writing this?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Star Wars in the eyes of a three-year-old

Watch this.

George Lucas would be proud.

Edited to add: "Star Wars according to a three-year-old" according to a 23-year-old, a parody of the above video. :D

Kinda lame, but kinda funny too. I can't decide.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How real is Reality TV?

How could any of this not be staged?

Yes, there are the occasional deluded souls like you and me who think they're the awesomest shower singers the world will never hear, but, surely, no one is THIS wrong about their... "talents".

I'm not saying the producers of Idol are trying to cheat their viewers, and I'm not trying to make fun of those contestants; no way. But it's highly unlikely that anyone would be so stupid as to make fools of themselves on a TV show that is watched by millions of people the world over (unless, of course, it's publicity that they're after.. and, as everyone knows, there's no such thing as bad publicity).

It's one thing not being able to sing and to give a less than stellar performance (vocals wise), even on international TV, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that (I can't sing for toffees myself :p ), but it's absolute lunacy to sing something like Genie In A Bottle and dance like a retard, when you know you're a perfectly sane and rational human being.

I find it all a little hard to swallow.

It's a safe bet that more viewers worldwide watch the latter stages of the show (the run up to the finale) than the audition and 'Hollywood' rounds. This, quite possibly, is the case with a majority of so called reality TV series.

Could it not be a ploy on the part of the powers that be at the big networks aimed at giving a boost to a given season's initial ratings (which, to be fair, is not a heinous crime)?

Is it ethical, though, to "display" such auditions? Sure, you watch it, have a hearty laugh at someone's expense, and forget it the moment the next contestant comes along. No biggie. After all, what's TV for, if not entertainment, right?

I dunno.

Anyway Wikipedia has this to say:

Before contestants get the chance to see the show's judges, they go through two rigorous sets of cuts: the first consists of a brief audition in front of one or two of the show's producers with three other contestants. Contestants are then either sent through to the next round of producers or are asked to leave. Only about 100–200 contestants in each city make it past this round, which is a staggering statistic considering that tens of thousands of people show up to audition in each city.

So, clearly, the producers decide who gets to meet the judges (and, consequently, end up on TV). Is it so impossible that they intentionally send the really bad ones to the judges just for laughs? Obviously not.

But what about those over enthusiastic few who go the extra mile to annoy Simon? Contestants are only required to sing; they don't have to do anything else (again, unless they're looking for 15 minutes of fame).

Do they really want to make fools of themselves like that? Or do they genuinely believe that they're good at what they do? OR are they told to get all theatrical like that (for a few hundred bucks maybe?).

Somehow, I don't think it's the first two.

Disjointed post. Tired. Hungry.